I was just contemplating whether I should make an entry in my blog and was leaning towards going to sleep instead, when a commercial came on my Tivo'ed Monk episode for a fantastic new idea they are calling "Baby First TV". Now why didn't they think of this when my children were babies? I was forced to park my kids in front of taped episodes of the Jerry Springer Show when all that goo gooing and silly smiling at me got on my nerves, or when their incessant yowling interfered with my soaps. (A good transvestite on transvestite brawl would make them forget they were hungry in seconds flat!)
"Baby First TV" is appropriate for babies as young as six months old! Just think how much time I wasted talking to my children, when if I had only waited, I could have begun avoiding them a good 3 or 4 years earlier! Miserable little creatures, always wanting my attention, getting into things and making messes! If you ask me, they are long overdue for "Baby First Cigarettes"! I'd just like to see them try to cry for hours while coughing up a lung! Maybe then I would have had my peace and quiet!
Even better, Let's just skip "Baby First TV" and "Baby First cigarettes" and go straight to "Baby First Chemical Weapons Assembly Kit". Why wait around with long, drawn out solutions when some explosive chemicals and instructions written by the geniuses behind the "Baby First TV" concept would surely do them in in 20 minutes or less? How lucky the new mothers of today are! With the proper choice in cable company, and subscription TV, they will be able to avoid their children all together!