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Thursday, December 07, 2006

Follow Up On Diagnosis Male

Note to Nancy! I am curious as to what sort of comments you are getting from your son's preschool teacher, and in what situations. If you care to and have a minute, let us know! That goes for anybody else who has something to add too!

Re: "Disruptive" behavior: I wish I had written more down when my son was young! THANK GOD my natural rebelliousness kicked in and I never considered putting him on hyperactivity drugs. My son grew out of the "bouncy" period and I have much more experience now with things "boy". (I only have sisters and female cousins, so a boy was really new to me.) After observing my friends' boys, my son's friends etc., I have to say that my son was absolutely normal, if not on the tame side.

Little boys bite, climb, enter a room like they are storming the Alamo and seem to love to grab anything within reach. They view furniture as an indoor jungle gym and would rather climb over a sofa than sit on it, or better yet, climb up on the back of the sofa and then jump off as many times as they can get away with. Some friends of ours have a 5 year old boy who always climbs our stairs on the outside of the railing. He also bites his big sister (for which he received Cayenne on the tongue, which has discouraged further incidents). Running while making loud noises seems to be a big hit as well. My own son went through a six month bout of that, during which time he insisted on wearing his "Batman" costume to pre-school every day.


He would also put on several layers of clothing underneath. I was helpless. He insisted on Batman and would put up such a fight that in the end I just let him be Batman and said to myself, "OK, so my kid's a bit weird". I mean first off, can you imagine going to school wearing the same outfit twice in a row? The other kids thought it was cool, though, and since then I have heard similar stories from other moms (Superhero can vary, however.)

In the end they sort of grow out of it by themselves (with the proper guidance) and become very interesting young people. It never ceases to amaze me though, how differently they view things than girls. I was a bit of a Tom Boy when I was a kid and yet I never came close!

But back to all that hyperactivity...It has also occurred to me that parents seem to be hell bent on having their children learn to read as early as possible, and as a whole we seem to be shoving the 3 Rs at kids earlier and earlier. Book learning is not something that is easily done while climbing a tree, in fact I would strongly advise against it. Book learning requires you to sit still and focus, which girls are better at in the younger years. So boys will naturally come out of it looking like the troublemakers who are preventing the teachers from giving the overeager parents what they want! (The ability to brag to their friends that Johnny and Janie could read when they were 16 months old.) In the end, it doesn't make a lick of difference in the overall scheme of things whether you learn to read, write and 'rithmatic at 3 or 4 or 6. Really...It doesn't. Send the poor kids out to play!

And PLEASE let the boys be boys!



housewife of east vic park said...

HI Retro Housewife, you might want to get hold of a book called RAISING BOYS by an Australian guy called STEVE BIDDULPH. (if you haven't already). I think you would like some of the themes in it. I was given a copy when my little guy was born and it reminds me that my boy is just a boy and not to get too over-stressed because he doesn't do talking or staying still all that well.

Rootietoot said...

I have 4 boys, ranging from 7 to 19. I read Raising Boys also, it's good. Boys are just...more physical than girls, generally. They express themselves physically rather than verbally, and they react that way as well. That's why they punch a hole in the wall when they're mad, when girls glare and get snotty.

If you can find it (it may be out of print), there's a wonderful book called "Children:The Challenge" by Rudolph Dreikurs. It's a guidance kind of thing, with excellent methods for dealing with various disciplinary situations. It was published in the '60s, but the methods described are timeless.

Nancy the Romancechick said...

Hi again.

Monday and Tuesday, my son's preschool teacher said he hit another child. Clearly, unacceptable. She also said on Tuesday that he was "fidgety during music." I'm not too worried about that one. He loves music and even danced to a piano tuner working on our piano when he was two. Yesterday he got an "okay" and today it was "fidgety at times. Ignored some directions." I told him that was okay. He didn't hit anyone, so I consider that a plus. He does get over active when he has sugar, too much, or is over tired. I'm sure we'll see her tomorrow after the holy day Mass at noon and I intend to ask if he's the only kid who acts this way. He did tell me today that his friend got a time out in school, so at least my son isn't being singled out.

Jennifer said...

yes, little boys at young ages are not made to stay still and sit. there are tons of diffrent wasys to learn and sitting is only one way. there are lots of diffrent learning methods. your article discribed my little boy and probably most others. i love that he is so active and happy. like you mentioned girls do better at sitting still especially at this age. this is one of the reasons we chose to homeschool so he could move and be free to learn without being made to sit for 8 boring hours. thanks for your article

Retro Housewife said...

Hi..I was just reading my blog entry and the comments to my son (now 13) and we were giggling because it all sounds so familiar. I had forgotten the daily notes home concerning his behavior until he reminded me!

When I read the bit about being "fidgety during music", etc. He commented that "Teachers always have to come up with the most boring things and then expect you to sit through them, It's like being set up for a crime!" (He means entrappment.)

This is the kid who on the way home from school today was telling me that he avoids getting in fights like some other kids at school "because they just don't think about the consequences of their actions...which is stupid."

So my little "got sent to the principal on a daily basis", troublemaking, hyperactive kid seems to have turned out ok after all! (Knock on wood).

I will look up those books!! I sure wish I knew about them when he was younger. I had bought into the bull about "No difference between boys and girls" so I thought I was in real trouble there for a bit!


Rootietoot said...

I think every classroom should be equipped with stationary bikes for the boys (and more active girls), that are wired to generators. This would help solve the educational money crunch by eliminating power bills. The heat generated by that many bodies spinning away would reduce or eliminate fuel oil bills as well.