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Tuesday, November 13, 2007

The Latest Dirty Word - "Christmas"

Perhaps I am overreacting, perhaps I am just getting old, but I sort of liked the word "Christmas" and all it stood for and I am sorry to see it replaced by "Generic Shopping Season #6" or as those with clever marketing minds refer to it "The Holidays".

In the old days, the phrase "The Holidays" was used to refer to several celebratory occasions, usually occurring close together on the calendar. Back then we called it "plural". But now, since "Christmas" has been deemed profane, "The Holidays" is now a euphemism for that-which-cannot-be spoken. If there were a union for words, I dare say they would call out a strike in protest of the extra work generic words must perform these days!

That lazy Christmas! No wonder it is an unmentionable! Sitting around relaxing in the sun sipping eggnog while poor Holiday must now handle both singular and plural duties! And what of the effects on the other words? Shall they also be corrupted by Christmases' sloth? It can't be long until "Passover" and "Ramadan" catch on and join Christmas in the Bermudas!

And that sneaky "Birthday" is just waiting for the day that science perfects the test-tube-baby process forcing us to retire "Birthday" lest we offend those-who-were-technically-not-born. That means Holiday will have to work 365 days a year, work overtime during Generic Shopping Seasons 1-6, AND pull duty as an adjective! (Holiday stone, Holiday certificate).

What if Holiday goes on strike? Then what? What if all the words go to the Bermudas to sip eggnog and lie in the sun?

Woof. Woof Woof Woof, Bow Wow, Woof Woof? WOOF, WOOF WOOF!

3 comments:

Jessie said...

Holidays is lazy, they should seriously consider saying Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, and Happy Kwanzaa.

Shelley said...

I just ordered my Christmas cards from Shutterfly, and I wrote a message on them that says "Wishing you and your family a wonderful holiday season!" Now I'm wondering if just plain ol' "Merry Christmas" would have sufficed. Damn, I hate second-guessing myself after it's too late to change the order.

twinklemom said...

When did Merry Christmas become a bad word? Lol

I was shocked to see it wasn't edited out of Charlie Brown's Christmas.

I guess it's such a bad thing to actually feel good? I wonder what's next? Instead of Happy Thanksgiving, we greet people with, "Feel Guilty?"