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Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Missing: The Country Club Republican - $1,000,000,000 Reward for His Safe Return!

I miss the good old days when rich people behaved like rich people and voted Republican. In return, the republican party, bless their greedy little hearts, stuck up for the interests of this often forgotten minority.

They fought higher taxes tooth and nail, railed against new government spending, could be counted on to try to import as much cheap labor as possible, never saw clear blue waters they didn't want to drill for oil in and generally tried to keep the government out of everything. The men and women of the republican party knew the value of a buck, and typically knew how to turn that buck into a buck-fifty in short order.

Their children were named Winston, Randolf, William, Elizabeth, Sarah and would usually assume some sort of silly nickname - probably acquired sometime during childhood or early adolescence after performing some funny stunt during a polo match at their family's summer estate.

The nearly filthy rich would duly busy themselves with "Keeping up with the Rockefellers" and were one a well-to-do fly on the wall of an exclusive country club, one might overhear idle chit-chat about the stock market, the merits of Vale vs. Sun Valley or how to best avoid an encounter with a member of the working class.

They were the elite and they were damn proud of it. Most everybody else admired or envied them - from a distance, of course. Many aspired to become them.

I know, you think I am off my rocker or am a sad case of wanna-be rich.

But consider this: we could trust them.

Not because they were a particularly virtuous lot, but because we knew where they stood and we knew that their goal was to make lots of money and to keep as much of it for themselves as possible. They were stern and serious, hard on each other and harder on themselves.

They went to schools covered in ivy.

They wore blue and gray suits as a signal to other rich people that they took the business of making money seriously and thus could be trusted to care for their money, too.

They feared disgrace.

When properly controlled by some well placed regulations and taxed just enough to give them something to complain about, society was well-served just to let them do what they do best - make money.

The democrat's job was to try to take as much money away from the rich as possible to make sure that the working stiffs had a decent life too and that opportunity was not a pipe dream - that the rest of us had at least a chance at the good life too, if we worked hard and didn't squander our talents.

A constant struggle but a simple one - and one that kept things from tipping too far in one direction - kept things from toppling.

Now the rich people are tripping over each other in their race to register themselves as democrats and bask in the glow of (pie in the sky) lofty ideals of equality and helping the poor - usually in some far away place, not America.

And you can't trust them.

For all the talk of equal this and equal that, they keep getting richer and the working class keep getting poorer. They want to spend lots of money on various social causes, but not their own money - and want to enact social programs - but not in their neighborhoods - and have been able to pull this off by appropriating the moral high-ground.

Combine this with the power and influence of deep pockets and you have a double whammy.

If they don't get their way with money, a well placed label of racist, sexist, homophobe or whatever will silence any dissent.

Meanwhile, back at the trailer park, the republicans are busy helping the residents remove all the words from books and holding impromptu trials to determine whether there are any witches amongst them. They are optimistic that up to 65% of the residents are solid republicans and the other 75% will join up soon.

It ain't gonna work folks!


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