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Sunday, July 10, 2011

The Bad Things That Happen When You Neglect Your Husband

He leaves.

Serves me right for not following my own stupid advice. How's that for a pickle? I am not a happy camper. I think I have been in shock since he left, and by left, I mean emotionally because he is still in the same physical location, but I packed up a strange assortment of clothing items, including my new Prada Capri's and several other designer scores I found super-cheap on clearance at YOOX, and stormed off in the middle of the night heading for our cabin in the mountains.

I made it as far as the Denny's just below the grapevine on Highway 5 - at that point the adrenaline wore off and I could barely keep my eyes open. Despite the brief temptation to continue driving which would most likely have resulted in my untimely death in a fiery collision, and a lifelong of regret for my husband who would realize his mistake and spend his remaining days pining for me on Highway 5, I pulled off and slept for a few hours in the Denny's parking lot. I really like that parking lot.

So anyway, when I woke up, I had knocked the back door button with my knee and it was wide open. Nothing bad had happened because of this, but it freaked me out a bit, so if you find yourself in a similar situation, be careful about that stupid button.

This all happened a few weeks ago and like I said, I am sort of in denial and am trying to figure out what Scarlett O'Hara would do. I am pretty sure she would have spent absolutely NO time in a Denny's parking lot, so perhaps that is why I am having such difficulty channeling my inner Scarlett.

Right now, I am going to go back to bed and pout. I am getting really good at that. It's also the easiest thing to do when you pack like I do, because as I failed to mention before, every last item of new clothing I had purchased on YOOX is at least 2 sizes too small. I knew this when I bought them, but I belong to the club of women who buy clothing in my imagined size, and then spend the next several months trying to adjust my body to fit into them. To complicate matters further, the front part of the cabin is in disrepair do to an incident with the water heater and since they had to unplug the washer and dryer and move both into the living room to fix the floor, the few items I have that do fit are so dirty I can't stand the sight of them.

I have not seen hide nor hair of the handy-man who came by and picked up his check with the promise to come back once it had cleared and finish the job since, so for now my options are pretty limited. Last Thursday I bought a new washer and dryer in desperation and paid $99 extra for white glove service so they will carry it into the house and put it in the proper location, but they haven't arrived yet.

But you can see how I am stacking the future in my favor, right? I now have 3 distinct possible outcomes where I obtain clean clothing and the ability to get out of bed. a) the handyman returns, puts in the floor and the old washer/dryer and I can wash my clothes, b) the new washer/dryer arrive and by some miracle I manage to hook them both up and am able to wash my clothes, or c) my loss of appetite due to my miserable circumstances causes the body adjustments required for me to run around up here in the mountains in my designer duds.

I have always been the practical sort.

Wish me luck.


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